Dear Evie: Sometimes I Wonder...

Dear Evie, 

I have been thinking of you a lot lately. 

This pregnancy has been an emotional roller-coaster 

for your mama, and as I watch my belly growing and

 we are preparing to meet your little brother,

  I sometimes wonder if we would be 

welcoming another life into our world if you 

were here instead of Heaven.

As I see your big brothers getting so big, 

and I hear the often ridiculous and 

fascinating conversations between brothers,

I think of you,

wondering if you would sound like mommy did 

when she was a toddler, always high-pitched and loud. 
I wonder how your brothers would react to 
a bossy-pants little sister ordering them around.

When they are all singing (completely off-key)

in the back seat or break-dancing around the living room, 

I wonder what kind of 
music you would like...

 

Would you make-up dances like mommy and Aunt Aly did?

 Would you oooh and ahhh at Daddy  
when he plays the drums?

And when I hear these precious voices reading 

and exploring a whole new world...

I wonder what book would be your favorite, 

and I sometimes picture you on Daddy's lap, 

listening and giggling at the best parts.

As I watch these three enjoying the 

summer, swimming and splashing 

every chance they get...

I think of you.

Not a long dramatic scene,
 just a small flash of what life might be like with you here:

a little 2 1/2 year old waddling around 
with bright blond pig tails and 
chubby legs sticking out of a polka dotted swimsuit.

And watching the boys with your daddy, 

always punching and wrestling and wild...

I think of you

and wonder how he would have handled tea
parties and tutus :) 

  

 And when I look into these big, innocent eyes, 

always curious and full of life....

 

I think of you... and wonder what you're 
eyes have seen:

Do you worship with angels?

 Have you talked to Jesus, asked Him all 

the questions I would love to have answers to?

Have you met King David, Moses, Mary and Martha? 

Do you know how much you are still loved 
and thought about by all of us?

  

Oh Evie, how I miss you today,

and although I wonder sometimes what might 
have been... I know each moment, the good and the bad,

 the joy and the heartache, is all part of something bigger... 
a story that is still being written, 
and one that you my sweet girl, 
will forever be a part of.

I love you with my whole heart,

 Mama